


Because of that night

by That_Wandering_Writer



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aftermath, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Abortion, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Teen Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28182624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Wandering_Writer/pseuds/That_Wandering_Writer
Summary: After an assault, Eren seems to be the only one there for Annie. He continues to be so throughout it all.(Contains sensitive topics).
Relationships: Annie Leonhart/Eren Yeager
Comments: 30
Kudos: 82





	1. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This fanfiction will contain dark themes which may be triggering to some, as you can see from the warnings and tags. If those topics are triggering to you, then I advice for you to not read this fanfiction.

Annie Leonhart had always wondered something since she was young. 

Which way was the better way to die. 

If you died a short one only knowing for a moment; a death that passed in only a flash. Everything gone like that before you had time to realize. 

Or if it was a slow one. Where everything slowly shut down, and you can feel the last bit of air be crushed from your lungs and your heart’s final palpitation before you are released. 

She didn’t know how it started. How it ended. Or how many times fate would beat her down again and again till she suffocated and wounded. Begging for even a ounce of mercy. 

Slowly shutting down this time; walked back to the barracks, in a daze almost. Limping slightly from the pain between her legs, almost a fall. 

Every movement feeling like she was truly dying. 

She wanted to laugh. Maybe she was really dying and that would be the end of it. To drop dead right here and to never open her eyes again—the thought suffocating her.

Words came back; ringing in her ears like a concussion might do. Wanting to crush them. 

Reminding her for what she really was now. Words she didn’t want to repeat but would stick. 

Stick and etch into her skin forever. rip beneath the layers, burrowed deep that she couldn’t find. 

She was just glad Bertolt found her and was there to rescue her before he did something worse. 

If only it was sooner though.

The taste of blood and bile mixed still remained in her mouth. Wanting to vomit once more.

Tears prickled to her eyes and she silently cursed herself, holding them at bay. Not wanting to cry again. Anything but to cry again. 

She was tired of crying. Feeling like if she cried anymore it might be the thing that kills her. 

What was stopping her though? Nobody was around, Annie could cry till she ached down to her core.

Though on the other hand, she wanted no one to see her in the state that she was. For there was no longer protection from the silence and trees of the woods from which she ran. 

Why did it matter? It didn’t change anything. It didn’t change what had happened to her. 

She somehow found her way to him. The one person who seemed to truly care for a sorry piece of shit like her. 

She found his barrack—looking through one of the windows in hopes to see him; awake or asleep. Not caring, just wanting to see his face. 

This time she was lucky, for once. 

Someone’s head suddenly appeared above one of the glass panes. Staring out into the darkness for a few moments. Almost knowing of her now presence waiting.

They looked right at her, past the half shut curtains and her face in the oil lamp that burned. 

She watched as a figure moved suddenly from the shadows over to the door, opening it and stepping out into the night air.

Eren. 

Maybe her luck was beginning to change. Just for once. 

Maybe she wasn’t dying either. 

“Annie?” Eren whispered, still drinking her in—meeting blue in the semi-darkness

“Hey Eren.” She replied with a half smile that didn’t reach her eyes, distinctively reaching up to push away a strand of hair.

By that point, she knew she was in free fall. 

———

_“Annie, what happened?” Eren asked. His voice wavering._

_“I was raped.” She replied._

_She said it with a shrug, like it meant nothing. But to him it meant all of the world._

———

She showered in silence. Half sunk to the floor, letting the water fall down her body. 

Most of the work had already been done.

Washing away the invisible marks left by him. Over the bruises and cuts that scarred her body. Over bite marks left in her jugular and bruises of her hips. 

His initials carved in the curve of her shoulder blade. Determined to stay. Telling that Annie Leonhart would always be his; unwilling or not. 

Blood washed from her hair and between her thighs that still ached with lost innocence. 

His face flickering behind her eyelids in the dark, and sometimes in the light. Into realism.

Invisible hands on her body; causing her to flinch. Haunting. 

Eren asked questions, at first. Demanding answers that she simply couldn’t give. Unable to relive it through words. 

Then eventually he saw that even speaking was too painful for her to go through. Silencing any he had left. Knowing in her own time the truth would come out. 

The door of the shower creaked open, looking up through foggy steam to see Eren gazing down at her. A look of pain on his features at seeing her in such a state. 

“Annie?” He asked—his voice soft, almost like a coo. The way you would speak to a young child. “Are you finished?” 

She only nodded, feeling like a silenced bird with clipped wings and unable to find her voice.

He reached over, turning the shower off for her. The water ending with a dying gurgle to later be reused. 

But even then, Annie did not move. Still sunk to the floor and now shivering; unable to will herself to move. Arms still around themselves. 

For the first time Eren saw the damage as well. Wanting to throw up himself. 

Seeing the bruises up the column of her spine and what could only be described as hickies. 

The teeth marks sunken in her neck. Feral and ugly. 

And the letters of his initials carved fresh into her shoulder blade. Worst of all.

For a moment the teen wanted to cry before it was replaced with anger. Feeling his fists curled and nails dig into his palms. 

He’d kill him—disembowel and hang him out to dry for his sins. Choke him till he suffocated and his lungs were crushed. 

He’d hunt him down like the predator that needed to exterminated that he was. 

But until Annie was able to talk about what happened on that night, Eren would have to wait. Have to keep all his questions and desires on hold till Annie was willing to tell him and relive through it. 

He could wait. 

She had been there for him. Now it was time for him to be there for her. 

“Annie?” Eren asked again. “Do you need anything?” 

Annie gave him a glance. An empty look glazing over her eyes; the look of a dead person. 

“Can you hold me?” She finally asked. The words barely coming out as a croaky whisper. Feeling like she’d have to repeat it.

She knew it was a strange request. But in that moment, she just wanted to feel some sort of human warmth. Some sort of human contact. 

Eren didn’t say anything, taking her in his arms like she asked. Her head in his chest as began to take shaky breaths. 

It had been a long time since Annie has been held. A faint memory of her father doing so when she was extremely young when ever she did something right, his way of affection. 

Before he had hardened and forced her to do so as well. 

It has been so long since she had felt it. The feeling. 

A feeling that she mattered. That someone cared for her. That someone loved her. 

She could feel her mask begin to crumple and slowly shatter—beginning to sob. Each one painful and more ragged than the last. Already exhausted from the amount of effort it felt like it took.

All Eren could do was hold her. Take her all in his arms; broken and sad. Allowing her to cry. Wanting to do so himself at what she had been reduced to. 

"It’s ok.” He whispered into her damp hair. Both beginning to rock. “It’s ok. You’re ok.” 

Both knew that it was a lie. But what more could he say?

———

He walked her back. The night a beautiful one, yet the air was heavy and thick. Both feeling chilled to the bone—still in the midst of January. The snow thawed long ago but the cold remained.

Eren walked her right up to the porch, both staring into other’s eyes for a few moments under the dim lighting. 

“See you in the morning.” He whispered, reaching out to give her hand a squeeze. 

Annie nodded, swallowing. Not wanting to say goodbye so soon. 

Not wanting to be left with her demons just yet. The thought tightening in her chest; crushing. 

Eren continued to stare into her eyes, swallowing hard as well. Watching with a fixed fascination as his Adam’s apple jutted slightly.

The silence only lasted a minute—seeming to last a life time before Eren finally spoke again.

“Do you want me to stay?” He asked. 

Annie nodded, not needing to think twice. “Yeah. I would like that.” 

She didn’t realize how dependent she had become on him in such a short amount of time. 

———

Annie found her bunk; vacant and cold. The sheets crumpled slightly. 

She slipped beneath the covers, inviting Eren to do so, gingerly in pursuit. Sheets wrapping around themselves—still shivering. Everything unpleasantly hot and cold at the same time. 

She heard Eren’s heartbeat beating beneath his skin, like clockwork. Listening to the steady pace. Comforting. His heat replacing hers. 

She knew both would be in deep shit if they were to be caught. Knowing that they were lucky to get this far. Knowing at any moment it could all end and both would be punished for weeks on end. 

She didn’t care. Let them punish her. 

Hands caressed her hair—repeatedly stroking the same strand. The motion somehow soothing, nearly lulling her into sleep. 

She continued to listen. When his breathing slowed along with his movements. Even his heart sounding to slow a pace. Fallen asleep before her. 

Annie looked up. Still able to make out Eren’s face in the darkness.

He looked like a painting when he slept. Trying to memorize the smaller details; the small crease of his eye. The slight flush of his cheeks. The darkness of his eyelashes. Wanting to reach up and touch him. 

Finally, the exhaustion kicked in and Annie fell into her own slumber. Eren’s arms still wrapped around her. 

The last safe haven.

———

Sleep was in vain. Her dreams filled with him and the woods and running and pain. All morphing together to create some sort of Hell. Waking with a start. A chocked sob leaving her, hands wringing Eren’s shirt—waking him up as well. 

“Annie?” He whispered to her; his senses alert in a moment. Seeing how vulnerable she had become from the nightmare.

“Don’t leave me.” She sobbed gently. Trying desperately to silence them in order not to wake anyone else. 

“I won’t.” He whispered. “I promise you I’m not going anywhere.” 

A promise he would keep. 

Annie could only steady her breathing and choke back any remaining tears. Unsure who’s heartbeat was in her ear. His or her own erratic one. 

She felt like she would never get a good enough night’s sleep ever again. 

It was ironic. For her, the hunter, now felt like the hunted. 

“Don’t leave me.” Is all she could whisper once more. Not wanting to loose the only person who seemed to hold her sanity together. 

Eren hand reached up to tilt her head to look at him. Green staring into blue as his lips found hers for a brief moment—feeling the slight tremble of hers at his actions. Both savoring it. 

“I promise you.” He whispered once he had pulled away. The pad of his thumb wiping away the dampness of her cheeks. 

The only thing Annie could manage in a hushed whisper was a single, “Thank you.” 

For she had one other person in the world who cared for her. And that was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this was painful to read, it was painful to write. I may come back to edit it later. If you've got this far thanks for reading.


	2. Morning after:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as dark as the last chapter but it is shorter. Warning for the next chapters though, they will become darker and will deal with more sensitive topics.

The next morning Annie stirred somewhere around half six—the bed feeling painfully empty since Eren left. January’s darkness still in the barrack and the snores telling it was now early morning. 

  
She was exhausted; both mentally and physically. Wanting nothing more than to pull the sheets back over her head and block the world out for the remainder of the day. 

Yet she knew trying to get back to sleep would be impossible, choosing to just get up and get ready.

She noted the small spots of blood on her sheets—faded pink. Having bled during the night. 

Sheet day was coming soon anyways. No need to worry. 

She wondered while on her way to the bathroom, if anyone had noticed the other person in her bed. If anyone else had been awake to witness it. 

———

 _Annie watched through one eye as Eren slowly untangled himself from her sheets._

_She knew it was time for him to get back to his own barracks before anyone else woke._

_But even then she couldn’t help but grab onto his arm. Not wanting to let go. Wanting him to stay for a while longer._

_Eren cast her a glance, looking at her grip on his arm. Knowing of what she was silently saying_. 

_For him to not go. For him to stay for slightly longer._

  
_He pushed a strand of hair from her face, leaning down to kiss her forehead._

_“I promise I’ll be back.” Eren whispered. “I promise.”_

  
_Annie only stayed silent for a few moments. Slowly loosening her grip on his arm._

_“Ok.” She replied, letting go. Allowing him to be free. “Ok.”_

_But even with those words, it still wasn’t enough for her for some reason._

_She watched as he slipped out the door as quietly as he could—her arm still outstretched for him which she eventually retracted when she knew he wasn’t coming back._

_The teen rolled over. The bed feeling bigger and more empty than ever, wrapping the sheets tighter around herself._

  
_It still had Eren’s scent. The scent of warmth and pine needles and his own one that she couldn’t describe._

_Annie almost buried into it, comforted. Managing to fall into a peaceful sleep for another hour._

  
———

Annie finished getting ready quickly, examining her face in the bathroom mirror once she was done. Not telling what had happened prior.

The bite marks had vanished, along with any other injuries she had sustained. Looking like nothing had happened to her. Physically. 

The shifter thanked her healing abilities for doing most of the work for her. And it stopped hurting so much down there—the stinging now a dull ache. If he tore her she would of returned to a virginal state by now. 

Breakfast was the usual rations of watery porridge and hunk of bread. The bustling mess hall feeling familiar and homely. 

As she was being served, someone slid by her side, nearly knocking her tray. Eren once again with his own meal of rations. 

  
Obviously no one from his barrack noticed that he was missing during the night. 

Annie cast him a glance, her brow raising. “What are you doing?” 

  
“Come sit with me.” He responded. 

“Why?” She asked, a low whisper, her brows still knotted. 

“Because, I want you too.” 

His hand found the one that wasn’t holding the tray, giving it a squeeze. Not caring that they were still in full view of everyone else. 

“Come on.” He whispered, giving it another squeeze. 

Annie knew when had no other choice but to follow him. Finding that she didn’t actually care. Glad to be with him again. 

  
He lead her to his table, like a dog following their owner. Already seeing Mikasa and Armin there with their own food. 

“Annie‘s sitting with us today.” Eren declared, setting his tray down. Not asking for their opinion on the matter. 

Annie said nothing, awkwardly setting her tray down, sitting next to him. 

The teen knew the entire time Mikasa’s eyes were now on her and burning at her. Not concealing her fixation for why Eren had invited her to their table. 

Armin simply treated her with contempt. Casting her a smile every now and then which she did not return. Too busy with forcing her meal down and Eren’s hand still within her own. 

She couldn’t help but kept glancing at the door. On the look out for if he walked in. At unease. Feeling her heart increase a pace. 

Eren saw her alertness and the way she kept glancing at the door, catching on to what she was watching out for. His thumb beginning to stroke her palm in a comforting motion. 

  
He didn’t come in. Even when Annie doubled checked, she couldn’t see him. 

He must of skipped breakfast then. Maybe in order to avoid her and any confrontations. 

She was glad though. Happy to not have a confrontation the day after. 

Annie slowly relaxed. Finally able to eat her breakfast and not force it down. 

  
“You ok?” Eren asked her, seeing her posture change. 

She cast him a glance, slowly nodding. 

“Yeah.” 

  
And for the time being, in that small moment, she did feel completely fine. 


	3. I'll still be here for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains flashbacks in this chapter.

The following two weeks, Eren refused to leave her side. 

At meal times finding herself always at his table. Eventually being accepted by Armin and Mikasa. Always there as she watched him enter and find his seat, squeezing Eren's hand a little tighter, hoping he did not see her.

At training, always asking to be her partner. Much to everyone else’s amusement of his sudden interest in her. 

Finding his arms wrapped around her most nights. There every time she flinched or whimpered or woke with a start from the occurring nightmare.

Annie simply didn’t care after the second day. Not caring of other’s questions that were thrown at them; answering to no one. 

Though he couldn’t always be there for her when it was too risky to do so. Some nights forced to deal with the nightmares alone; waking in a cold sweat and a muffled shout. 

One night, Annie awoke from a nightmare to find an observer of the whole thing. Mina, her bunk mate. Leaning down on a elbow to observe her in the darkness. 

“No Eren tonight?” She asked softly. Sounding genuine and not cruel in anyway. 

Annie froze at the other name out her mouth, staring hard at her. For how did she know? 

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone. Though, you know I’m not that big of a log.” Mina whispered, still gazing down at her from her spot. 

Annie only stayed silent—curled into her knees. Thinking how long Mina had known. 

“It must be nice.” Mina continued to comment. “To have someone there when you wake from a bad dream. He really is sweet.” 

“Can we stop going on about it.” Annie hissed, turning on her side and pulling the covers over her head. Wanting to finish the conversation right then and there. 

“I can come down, if you want for tonight? If it’s particularly bad.” 

“No.” Annie responded to the girl’s question. “I’m fine. Thanks for the concern though. I don’t want to keep you up.” 

The teen felt a shift of moment in the bunk, Mina climbing down and climbing into the bed with her; making leeway despite her earlier protests. 

“I don’t mind.” Is all Mina whispered. 

Annie stayed quiet. Unable to deny the comfort she got from Mina’s body next to her own. How much she craved it. Silently thanking her friend. The word feeling weird to say. 

She wasn’t Eren, but she could do. She could allow herself to be vulnerable to another human. 

The next morning, Annie found herself struggling to stay awake. Weary from lack of sleep. 

Still haunted by the nightmares; feeling on edge at everything. Even when Eren found her side she couldn’t help but flinch away against her will. 

Eren saw the way she jumped in fear when he came close. Seeing the shakiness, the bags under her eyes and that forever present haunted look in them. Knowing she had another nightmare. 

“Bad night?” He whispered. 

Annie could only nod. “Yeah.” 

Eren’s hand reached down for her own, giving it a squeeze. 

Annie only gave him another weary glance. Wanting nothing more than to lean her head on his shoulder and sleep for eternity. 

She didn’t tell him of Mina now knowing of their nightly affair. Finding no point. 

She didn’t eat much either. A strange metallic taste present in her mouth that had been there for nearly a week. Putting her off. 

The weather didn’t help at all with her drowsiness. The start of February surprisingly warm and muggy. Like spring had gotten a head start. 

Combat once again today’s specialty. Once again paired with Eren—it almost becoming comedic to Shadis himself. 

“Please don’t break my leg this time.” Eren joked, getting into position. Remembering only two months prior where she caused him a knee sprain that left him almost paralyzed for a day and how Mikasa nearly slaughtered her. Healing quickly though; miraculously.

Annie let a grin—sly yet not menacing come to her lips, getting into a stance; beginning to feel awake. “I don’t promise anything, Yeager.” 

She threw the first move. Going to hook her arms around his shoulder in order to tackle him. Like they had done several times before; each time her winning with success. 

He grabbed her wrist in reflex. Defending himself from her attack like she had taught him. 

Before she would of praises him on his fast response. But the teen couldn’t help but freeze at his response. Remembering another person doing the exact same with sinister intentions. Squeezing her wrist to a point of pain, crushing any hopes of escape. 

She yanked her wrist from his grip in a second, cradling it in her other hand, sinking to the floor before she could help it. Memories crawling back. Attacking. 

“No. Please let go of me.” Annie began to whisper. Rocking slightly; in a sort of trance. Unaware of her antics. Imagining an invisible grip on her wrist squeezing the life out of it.

Eren could only stare in shock at what was unfolding in front of him. Watching as Annie crumpled and began to rock. Muttering something under her breath—a flash back from what he could see. Triggered by his actions. 

His stomach dropped, guilty for what he had caused. Slowly beginning to approach her like one might do with a startled animal. 

“Annie?” He asked, slowly bending down till he was at her level. His hand reaching out but hesitating—not wanting to agitate her further. “Annie, are you ok?” 

Annie stopped shaking at the sound of Eren’s voice, snapping out of it, realizing what had happened. 

She could only stay silent. Her other hand letting go of her wrist; breathing and heart rate returning to normal when she slowly understood it was nothing more than a memory. That he wasn’t going to hurt her. 

“Yeah.” Came out an eventual hoarse whisper. “Yeah. I-I’m fine.” 

She still didn’t get up, still curled like an animal. 

“Hey Eren, don’t tell me you’ve hurt Annie already? Not really classy of you, doing that to your girlfriend.” Came a shout from across the yard; a familiar obnoxious voice. Of Jean. A cocky grin on his face. 

Annie’s face couldn’t help but begin to burn as Eren cast him a dirty look, sticking up his middle finger in silence to what he said.

“Annie’s fine. She just strained her wrist yesterday and it’s still a bit uncomfortable.” He called, spinning a lie. “Besides, if I did tackle her that would be an accomplishment, compared to you who gets knocked over with a wooden knife half the time.” 

This time it was his turn to grin cockily and Annie couldn’t help but snort slightly. 

Jean flushed—obviously angry but keeping his cool and returning to his own sparring match, not wanting to cause a scene. For last time, him and Eren were forced to run laps till dinner by Shadis. Not wanting to get on their instructor’s bad side more. 

Eren being down to Annie’s level again, holding out his hand to her. “You wanna take a break?" 

Annie’s head slowly nodded, taking his hand and allowing him to pull her weight up. An arm wrapping around her shoulder almost protectively. Already slacking off despite just starting. 

The teen could sense from across the yard the grey eyes of another teen following her every move. Burning once more. 

The metallic taste still lingered.

Bertolt found her later on in the middle of her cleaning duties just before dinner—a hand placing it self on her shoulder. Already knowing that it was him. 

“Annie.” He said gently, almost a whisper. 

“Hey Bert.” The shifter whispered back—already knowing why he was here.

_’Bert....’_

_’Get out of here Annie.’_

“Annie are you ok?” He asked again. Though he almost guessed what the answer was. 

"I guess.” She shrugged. 

“Annie I’m so sorry.” Bertolt said again, sounding close to crying. Racked with guilt for not being there sooner to stop him. 

She only shrugged again, this time turning to face him and offering a smile that didn’t meet her eyes; seeming to never meet her eyes. 

“It’s fine.” She croaked. “I’m still alive.” 

She knew she wasn’t glad about that either. Much rather be dead instead.

It would be easier.

———

He found her later on as well—trapping her in a place she couldn’t run. Just like he did that night. A predator hunting it’s prey. 

“You haven’t told anyone, have you?” He hissed, pinning her from behind. A arm wrapping around her abdomen so she couldn’t get away. A hand uncomfortably close to her breast. 

His face was completely healed. Not a mark in sight. She didn’t know how hard Bertolt went. But she could guess he wasn’t recognisable afterwards. 

Annie wanted to scream. For she could—nothing was stopping her. Yet nothing left her mouth. Frozen in fear. 

“Get the fuck off me.” She hissed, trying to fight back. Still crawling with the fact he was pinning her once again. 

“Why? Have you run off to your little boyfriend and cried for his help.” He taunted. Still pinning her body close to his own. 

She managed to get her elbow free, shoving it into his chest plate catching him off guard—allowing herself to wriggle out his arms and escape. 

No matter where she went, he would always follow. 

The thought made her stomach drop. That she could never escape him. That he’d always be there looming like a shadow. 

She wanted to vomit. 

She still couldn’t ignore the metallic taste in her mouth. Becoming an annoyance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	4. News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say, Happy New Years for those who celebrate on the first. Let’s hope 2021 isn’t as ‘eventful’ as 2020. 
> 
> Onto the chapter, it’s going to contain something big.

Three weeks later, Annie’s period had yet to return. 

  
She had been too busy with training and dealing with the frequent nightmares and exhaustion to realize the absence of monthly blood.

When she finally did, she almost stopped in her tracks. Going cold. 

It shouldn’t of made her feel nervous. For it had a tendency to be late some times. Her body wasn’t exactly maturing like others her age. 

Yet every time it came to mind, she always felt sick with nerves. Always sick with the thought of something sinister. 

For it had never been more then a few days late. Now it was nearly two weeks.

Something, rattling on almost in the echo chamber of Annie’s mind; desperately trying to get her attention. Ignoring it as best she could. 

Her body was determined to make her uncomfortable about it as well. 

She became more fatigued; more sluggish than normal. Somehow separated from the fatigue of exhaustion. 

Other symptoms as well; a change in her mood. More prone to irritability. 

And cramping. Often finding herself bent over. Just like her usual cycle, except there was still no blood. 

  
It was at it’s worse during the late morning and early noon. When the sun was at it’s peak. This year feeling like it would be a warm one. 

Combat was the worst. Unable to will her body to move the way it was suppose to. Unable to will her brain to do as she wished. 

She was thankful that she kept being paired with Eren. For it was less of an embarrassment with him that she failed to do the basic routine. Hoping he wouldn’t notice. 

However he had a sharper eye than she had predicted. For Eren noticed her lack of alertness and the way she kept slipping into almost a day dream every time they practiced. Zoned out. 

“Hey,” he asked, his brows knitting. “You okay?”

  
“Yeah.” She mumbled; finding it hard to concentrate. “I’m fine.” 

The escalating heat did nothing at all to help with the sluggishness. Feeling herself once more slip into her thoughts; unable to concentrate on the exercise. 

  
“If you want to take a break then we can.” Eren continued, starting to become concerned for her wellbeing.

“No.” Annie huffed, becoming agitated at the state she was in. “I’m fine. Come on.” 

She tried to throw one of her classics. Though her moves were still all too sloppy and slow. Eren managing to dodge—nearly tripping over.

“Annie. You’re no okay. Let’s take a break.” 

  
“I said I’m fine.” Annie snapped at him—more harsh than she had intended. 

  
Her vision was going. The start of a migraine. Trying to suppress a groan. 

Eren’s arm went around her shoulder, seeing her deteriorating condition—not angry at her blunt response. “Come on. You’re in no condition to be fighting.” 

Annie wanted to fight back more—but a part of her knew he was right. Her vision blurring and flashing. Her limbs seem to be refusing to cooperate, all of her relying on his support. 

Eren asked the instructor if he could take her to the infirmary, both being dismissed to go. 

  
He waited outside as the Garrison nurse assessed her, allowing him to wait with her as water was forced down her and a ice pack placed on her head. 

  
“It’s most likely just over exertion. Just try not to push yourself much next time, and make sure you’re getting enough sleep.” She said, giving her a pat on the shoulder—noting earlier the bags under the teen’s eyes. 

Annie nodded. Finding that the most reasonable; just over exertion. It especially wasn’t helped with her lack of sleep like the nurse had said. 

The nurse turned her attention to Eren. “You’re a good lad.” She gave his shoulder a pat as well. 

Eren only smiled. “Just looking out for my fellow comrades.” 

He gave Annie’s hand another almost seemingly mandatory by this point hand squeeze. Knowing she was desperately trying to hide the sudden tint of her cheeks. 

Lunch came, both allowed to go, told to return if the symptoms came back. Annie finding herself on a table not just Eren but Sasha and Connie joining them as well. Finding herself crammed between the two brunettes. 

If it wasn’t for Eren’s presence, then she would of very much taken away both Sasha’s and Connie’s abilities to speak right then and there. Finding their constant chatter of pointless stuff brain numbing and more irritating than the norm. 

She repeatedly picked at her stew, blocking the constant drone in her ears half out. Annoyed and intrigued at the same time. 

They were talking about the reproduction of titans, oddly, coming up with their own theories. All which were less sinister and rather sad than the actual truth of their people. 

“It’s crazy to think about it. Like where they come from and why they appeared.” 

Annie bit her tongue. Restraining from the urge to tell them the truth. That it was all down to blood, spinal fluid in a vial and a needle. 

  
“Hmm.” Sasha replied; swallowing an almost painful looking amount of food, not looking bothered when everyone else saw it visibly go down. Making all—especially Annie—queasy. “We know that they don’t have reproductive organs, so they can’t do it the natural way.” 

“Please Sasha, talk about titans having sex in the middle of lunch.” Eren exclaimed, rolling his eyes. 

Both ignored him for the sake of their discussion. 

  
“Because they don’t have reproductive organs that means they must reproduce asexually then? Or perhaps somewhere else in their body is the needed stuff to create offspring—like a flower and they release it waiting for the other to come along.” Connie continued, sounding rather enthusiastic about the whole thing. 

Annie had to admit, he sounded pretty intelligent when talking about something that wasn’t complete garbage. 

  
“Or cloning.” Sasha replied—sounding not at all serious yet triggering something in her friend. 

“Or cloning, you’re right. Where they might do mitosis like a cell to create their offspring!” Connie exclaimed. 

“All titans look different though.” Eren interjected. “If they were cloned than they should look the same as the parent.” 

“Meh, what ever. Cloning seems like the easiest option. At least you wouldn’t be pregnant.” Sasha said through a mouthful of food, finishing it for him. 

  
The last word of the sentence made Annie stop what she was doing for a moment, being struck by a realisation. The word frightening. 

  
_“When a woman’s cycle is late, there’s a possibility she’s pregnant.’_

  
A hand found her stomach, lingering there for a moment. Going cold. 

  
_‘No. I can’t be.’_

  
“Hey, Annie, you alright?” Connie asked, nudging her shoulder. Snapping her out of her thoughts. 

  
“Yeah...” She mumbled, beginning to pick at her food again. “Yeah I was just lost in thought.”

  
Eren cast her a side glance, his hand reaching into her’s, reassuring. 

  
She offered him a quick and sly smile in return. Though his reassurance was failing as her mind continued to swirl into thoughts she had kept at bay for weeks. 

She left lunch early; finding no point in staying if all she were to do was pick at a slowly cooling meal. Needing to clear her head, desperate for air. Feeling like she was suffocating. 

Annie found herself running into the forest at full force—trying to find the deepest corner so she could be left alone with her thoughts. Despite the fact her body refused to do so, exhausted after only five minutes and cramping up once again. 

She found a clearing, stopping there and nearly collapsing, managing to stabilise herself before she did so. 

Here. Here she was forced into confrontation. No one stopping her—only her demons stalking.

  
_‘When a woman’s cycle is late, there’s a possibility she’s pregnant.’_

  
The thought from earlier returned to the front of her conscious. 

  
_‘No. It couldn’t be.’_

_‘You’ve had the symptoms.’_

’ _No. I was given the shot. I was given birth control that should of lasted years. I can’t. They said my possibility of becoming pregnant was zero.’_

It couldn’t of been possible. She should of been sterile. It shouldn’t of been possible. 

Yet her period was late. Nearly two weeks. And he hadn’t used protection. And if she counted the days in her head right, she would of been at the peak of her being fertile. 

  
_‘No. Please no.’_

  
‘ _No’._ Annie thought, still among the forest floor, ready to fall—finally forced to confront the thought she had pushed away. Finally understanding what was wrong with her. Wanting to scream.

_  
‘I’m pregnant.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I left this chapter and Annie both on a cliff hanger. Fight me. Also it’s short, which I apologise for.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	5. It was better this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Attempt of abortion. There’s no graphic depictions, but if you have issue with that then read with caution or don’t read this chapter.

Pregnant. 

  
The word rang in her ears. 

No, she couldn’t be. She couldn’t be pregnant. Not with his child. 

Annie felt like she could faint. Placing her hand on her stomach, shaking with realization.

No. No. This wasn’t happening.

Annie gritted her teeth—trying to stop a sob that threatened to escape but falling. 

  
“Fuck.” She hissed angrily. Trying to stop the tears prickling to her eyes. 

No. It really couldn’t be happening.

The shifter sunk to the forest floor; hands still on her abdomen.

The doctor back in Marley said she should of been left sterile for the rest of her life. She shouldn’t of been able to become pregnant. She should never have to worry. 

Another angry sob. Feeling utterly betrayed by fate. 

Her body couldn’t handle it. She couldn’t handle it. Knowing that a shifter’s pregnancy would only last seven months, the foetus slowly draining energy from the mother. A reason for her persistent fatigue. 

And emotionally and mentally? 

Annie calmed her breathing for a second. Feeling almost sorry for it. Not just her pitiful ass. 

Sorry that this was how it came about. Sorry that it’s parents were both ugly monsters that didn’t deserve redemption. 

  
For it was almost nothing more than a victim itself.

It. All it was, was a it. Not a he, or her. Just it. Anything human stripped away. 

  
“I’m sorry.” She whispered to no one. Hoping it could maybe already hear her. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

She needed to get rid of it. She couldn’t keep it. Her body and the academy wouldn’t let her. 

  
But how could she? She was sure that abortion was outlawed in the walls by some degree. And she knew she couldn’t go to the infirmary and ask for the pills they provided without them asking a bunch of questions.

Why could life never be easy? Why could nothing go the way she planned. 

She simply lay there on the forest floor. Acting like a dead man. Knowing that the only way it would work out was if she took it herself. 

She had taken lives inadvertently before. It was just like hunting an animal. It wasn’t any different, was it?

  
———

Dinner time came and went in the barracks. Annie finding herself once again sat next to Eren—picking away at the bland stew in her bowl as he kept guard like he had done for weeks. Not asking of her sudden departure earlier. 

She still wasn’t hungry. Knowing that was another symptom. 

She contemplated the decision if she should tell him now or not. Seemingly lost for a few moments.

  
No. This was only for her. Only for her to deal with and end. Nobody else deserves to deal with it; especially not him. Not his mess to clean up.

  
“Is that all you’re going to eat?” Eren asked, eyeing up the barely touched bowl of soup. 

Annie nodded, still picking at it. “I’ve lost my appetite.” 

He gave her a sideways glance, concerned. Yet he didn’t say anything more. 

  
She finished eating, only managing a few mouthfuls before declaring herself full and letting another hungry solider finish it off. 

  
“I’m going for a walk.” She said, standing up. 

“Want me to come with you this time?” Eren asked, going to stand himself. 

She shook her head. “No, I just want to go by myself.”

“You sure you’ll be ok?” He asked, like a puppy when it’s owner left. 

Annie offered him a weary smile. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

She knew why he was worried; an actual rational reason. He was worried for if she were to be attacked again. If her moments of being alone were another perfect chance for him to strike. 

However she didn’t know if she was also trying to convince herself as well. 

The cool night air was a breather from the warm stuffiness of the mess hall; taking in all the air that she could get. Comforted by it as Annie found her way to one of the storage sheds—the most likely place for a sharp object to be discharged and forgotten about. Constantly looking over her shoulder with each step. Predicting a dark shadow to strike. 

She was nearly expecting it to be unlocked when she pushed the door. People here were idiots. 

The light was turned on as eyes scanned around the small room. Abandoned with a smell of age in the air. Dust collecting on any surface free. 

She began her search. Trying to find at least anything that would be of use. Stumbling across it in what seemed like a moment of pure luck when she found a bent coat hanger discharged in a box. 

Perfect. Just what Annie needed.

She picked it up and used her strength to bend and manoeuvre it until it was nearly perfectly straight. The sharp end glinting in the light.

It had her shudder at a particular thought.

Her plan was complete. To leave it here and come back around midnight to do what she needed to do. 

Getting rid of it in her womb as quickly as possible. 

It was they simple. Not that hard. Anyone could do it. 

Annie set the rod down, turning the light off with a click and closing the door behind her. Beginning to walk back to the girl’s barrack for the night. 

Everything in motion.

———

Three.

Two.

One.

  
Annie sat up in bed when she knew for a certain it had turned midnight. Finishing counting the minutes. The sound of rustling fabric and quiet snores all being heard. Staring out into the blackness. 

She got out her bunk, slipping on her boots, shivering slightly from her minimum amount of clothing. All her actions as quiet as she could be. Followed by glancing and tiptoeing for any secret observers; particularly the one above her to see if Mina had pulled her usual. Walking over to the door when she was sure it was for a certain safe and slipping out into more darkness. 

The walk seemed almost forever from the barrack to the shed. Longer then before. Mentally preparing for what she was about to do. 

She had taken lives when she called the titans to the walls. She was used to bloodshed. This, this was no different. This was the same. 

Just like hunting animals. No different. There’s still nothing human about it. 

She stopped at the door handle. Unsure why she suddenly felt so gut wrenched. Guilty and terrified at her next few actions that would be followed out in the tiny space in the darkest hour. 

Why though? What made this different? 

  
_Open the door, Annie._

Her hand still lingered. Unable to open it. 

  
_Open it Annie._

  
Her body still refused to do her brain’s biding. 

Perhaps she couldn’t open it because it kicked in of this was her own flesh and blood. Her own being merged into this new one—that she ought to kill a part of herself. 

Or because Annie knew this was a wicked thing to do. Killing something small and fragile—a life that didn’t even get a chance in this world. 

Yet again, she was wicked and always had been. She wouldn’t—couldn’t carry this child to term and be it’s mother. She couldn’t be a mother. 

Annie also thought, that she was sparing it a lifetime of pain. Another soul that would walk just like her. Guilty for simply existing. She didn’t want to bring a child into a world that was this cruel.   


Maybe at a different place or time she could be one; the ideal one. One that wouldn’t be a brutal murderer or having to lie of a world where they would be hated. Maybe if it was a different man too. Just not now. Not when all the variables were against her.

The door was opened and closed in silence. 

———

She did it. She did it.

Annie somehow managed to stumble out the shed. Choosing not to notice the blood as it slipped down her legs with each step. 

It wouldn’t kill her. Unlike most other’s if she had caused damage to her uterus it would heal like her body did with most things. 

She didn’t know how long it would take for the blood to finish and for it to be gone. 

She felt weak, her abdomen having a tenderness to it. And the blood, covering her hands like her legs. Metallic and strong. Looking as if she had just come back from murdering someone. 

Annie managed to find her way to the latrines, finding one and stumbling inside, closing the door. Almost collapsing on the floor right then and there, hauling herself onto the can like one might do with a baby.

It was still coming. 

She took shallow puffs as she felt it continue to leave her—an ache and sting in her lower regions still. Anything more than puffs physically painful. 

Then she felt something leave her and let out a gasp, shuddering. 

  
That must of been it. It must of come away completely. Not bothering to look in the bowl. Only knowing. 

She should of been relived. Relieved it was over. Yet a small part of her mourned for it. Regret and anger and hatred for what she had done. 

“I’m sorry.” Came blurted out, just like upon the discovery of it’s small existence. 

Because for a moment, she wanted it. She wanted a baby. Even knowing who would father it. 

Only for a second before that small flame flickered away and was gone. Snuffed out. 

Still, Annie waited, till she at least felt that the blood had slowed down to a manageable level and she assumed for certain it completely left her body. Flushing away the contents of the bowl, not looking down. 

Just like that it was over. Gone and dealt with it as if it hadn’t existed at all. No need to worry anymore. 

The walk back was a little easier. Still slow and still limping; but the silence and darkness less suffocating as well. 

The floorboards creaked beneath her weight as she entered her barrack for the second time that night. Not caring for stealthiness as she found her bunk again and collapsed on the sheets—half in half out. Shivering. Everything uncomfortably cold and hot. Pricking all over. Unable to decide to stay wrapped up or stay bare. The pain in her abdomen still stinging. 

She probably left blood on the floor. Probably not. Not wanting to check as Annie fell into an unconsciousness. Her eyes heavy—feeling like she was entering another version of Hell.

Annie didn’t dream of much. Most of it empty. Though when she did, it was all to do with an infant in her arms; cradling them. Caring for them. No tears at all—like a doll, completely silent. 

Then they simply vanished, leaving Annie’s arms feeling empty. The same feeling in her chest, filled with other emotions as well. Regret and anger and sadness. Always thinking of the word sorry. 

_You couldn’t be its mother, Annie. It was better off this way._

  
The ache still lingering in her stomach even in dream form. 

She got up early the next morning while the others were still asleep. The pain and aching still there and somehow worse. Now nauseous. Glancing to her bed and seeing the blood on her sheets. On her thighs as well. Having bleed more in the night. 

Deeper and heavier and somehow all the more tragic. 

Annie cursed, going to get up but immediately crumpling from the searing pain that came in her ribs and sides. 

Maybe she damaged more than she planned. 

  
“Annie?” Mina called softly, awake as well and alerted of her comrade’s pain. Feeling a shift in the bed as her bunkmate climbed down to see what was the matter. Annie trying to hide the mess but falling, being too late. 

Mina saw the blood for a brief moment. Her eyes widening for a brief second and her breath hitching. Slowly moving towards her.

“Leave it.” Annie hissed. Unable to move at all. “Just leave it.” 

She felt a wave of sickness wash over her; dulling her senses and filling her mouth with an acidic taste. Feeling that she’d retch at any given moment. 

Mina still kept on steadily moving towards her, as if not to up-stir prey. Not repulsed or frightened by the sight. 

  
“Do you have anything to deal with it?” She asked softy. 

Annie cast her glance. For she thought it was her period and not anything else. Just heavier this time around. 

There was no point telling the truth of the situation. Unsure if she would hate her or not for what she did. 

“No.” She responded flatly, still feeling ill. 

  
“I’ll give you something till we get to the nurses.” Mina said, reaching into her drawer of personal stuff and searching around for a few moments. 

“You don’t need to do that.” Annie mumbled. 

“I can and I will.” Mina responded— her fierce streak showing. “Go get changed, I’ll deal with your sheets before anyone sees.” 

She passed a towel to Annie, which she wordlessly took. Seeing no point in arguing as she wearily got her clothes for the day and limped over to bathroom to change. Trying to be quiet. 

By the time Annie returned, Mina had changed and already upturned her bed with fresh sheets from where spare ones were stored—the old ones already disposed of. Working fast. 

She would of been a good maid, if she didn’t chose to become a solider. 

Mina didn’t ask anymore questions as she helped her to the infirmary with slow baby steps. Just simply there for support; something which Annie was grateful for. 

It had only been yesterday since she had been to the infirmary. Knowing that her constant trips and slacking offs would cause trouble in the long term. 

Mina allowed her to enter herself, saying she’ll catch up at lunch time if she could. 

It was the same nurse from yesterday who dealt with her. Her eyes lighting up with recognition. 

  
“Annie Leonhart, am I correct?” 

Annie nodded. 

“Have the symptoms returned?” The nurse asked, referring to yesterday’s drowsiness and sluggishness. 

“No, my period’s heavier than usual.” She mumbled—wincing from a sudden pain. Still dizzy with nausea. 

  
_It’s a miscarriage. Your body is recovering from a miscarriage that you forced. ___

____

____

“Anything else?” 

____

____

“I just feel nauseous. That’s all.” She hissed, trying to clench her teeth. Feeling that if she didn’t she would for a definite vomit on the wooden floor.

____

  
Annie winced and glanced down, seeing the stain of red against white; already bled through the sanitary towel and her chinos. Even a few droplets on the floor. Feeling like she’d never stop. 

____

____

“I-I’m sorry.” She mumbled, bending down to try and wipe it away. Curling over as another cramp came. “Fuck—sorry.”

____

  
“It’s ok, dear.” The nurse responded. “I think you ought to stay here for a bit.”

____

____

Annie didn’t object to that.

____

____

The teen spent most of her time bleeding into a bucket for a large part of the morning. Cradling another one in case she actually did throw up. The nurse constantly checking up on her, forcing food and water into her as well after her lack of breakfast.

____

____

She was allowed to lie down on the bed once it slowed, being given a fresh change of clothing and a sanitary towel to deal with anything else that came. A hot water bottle produced on her stomach to ease the cramps as she continuously curled and tensed. 

____

____

At lunch, Annie got a visitor. 

____

____

She expected it to be either one of two options. Not surprised when she lazily opened one eye to see Eren. Her other guess being Mina. 

____

____

“Nurse said I could only stay for half an hour. Forty-five if I behaved.” He grinned. 

____

  
Annie didn’t say anything, reaching out her hand which he took and started to stroke the back of it. 

____

  
“How are you?” He asked, pushing a stand of hair from her eyes. 

____

____

“Feeling like I’m bleeding half my body weight.” She responded—not tiptoeing around the subject. 

____

____

She didn’t say the real reason for her chronic bleeding. They it was all her doing in order to get rid of what was once in her womb. Covering it up with the same excuse for others of her period. 

____

  
It really was over. Something her mind kept going back to. She really wasn’t pregnant anymore. 

____

____

Another guilty twinge. 

____

____

Eren didn’t seem disgusted at the mention of menstruation, unlike other guys in their training. He only grinned more. 

____

  
“That sucks.” He chuckled. “If I could bleed with you I would.” 

____

“I would make you. You guys have it easy.” Annie mumbled before seizing up and hissing as a particularly bad cramp took hold of her abdomen.

____

____

“Bad one?” He asked gently, seeing her sudden discomfort and way her body tensed. 

____

____

“Yeah.” Annie hissed, squeezing his hand harder. “Stay with me.” 

____

  
Eren grinned and laughed. “Wasn’t planning on leaving.” 

____

  
He stayed with her for the rest of the day. 

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone found this chapter hard to read. It’s why I chose to simply skip any graphic scenes. I may come back and edit this chapter, for it feels slightly fast paced. Thanks for reading. 
> 
> (Also, please no one start a war in the comments. Please keep politics out of it).


	6. Fate is often cruel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise in advance if this chapter isn’t up to the previous five’s standards. I’ve kinda hit a writing burnout but I still wanted to finish and publish this chapter because I was close to doing so and it would of left me more annoyed then if I didn’t. So sorry if this chapter seems uncooked in some areas.

A month later since the shed, Annie’s period still had yet to make an appearance.

  
The teen tried not to think of it; trying to push it deep and away. For she knew that after a miscarriage—forced or not— a woman’s cycle could take a while to return.

Yet, the continuous lack of monthly blood came with more. More sinister stuff. 

She had felt a change in her body. Like a ripple effect. Forcing her to confront it. 

Her breasts feeling heavier and more sensitive then before, struggling to put on her ODM gear without wincing. 

The loss in appetite that had only worsened with each day.

The constant and worsened fatigue that wrecked her body. Even if she got a rare night of zero nightmares and sleep. 

The swell to the bottom of her abdomen which somehow grew. Looking bloated.

Worse of all, the nausea she experienced every morning, finding her head down the can. Subjected to other’s questions.

One morning it was particularly bad. Curled by the toilet for a large part of the early hours. Feeling like she was washed up and dying—the worst hangover imaginable. 

  
Someone else entered the bathroom, finding her stall with its open door that she forgot to lock. 

Annie had gotten use to always predicting it to be Mina. When she saw it was the freckled and sour-mouthed Ymir she was surprised. Looking at her with amusement. 

“So,” Ymir said, a cocky grin on her face. “Who’s the baby daddy?”

If looks were able to kill, she would of been dead in a matter of moments.

“I’m not pregnant.” Annie rasped—feeling another wave bubble up her throat. Clenching her jaw tight and trying to breath through it. 

  
“Sure you aren’t.” The older girl responded, rolling her eyes. “A stomach bug just happens to occur every morning and doesn’t go away for two weeks.” 

Annie couldn’t be bothered with her, gagging as she threw up bile once more; an acidic taste burning her throat and nose. Making her, once again, want to throw up. 

Ymir couldn’t help but pity her almost—beginning to feel slightly bad for her earlier remark. Seeing the state her comrade had been reduced to. 

“Just don’t vomit your gut up, okay?” 

“Thanks, why didn’t I think of that?” The teen responded sarcastically, raising a eyebrow. 

Ymir snorted, rolling her eyes and walking away. 

Nothing more came as Annie stayed huddled for another thirty minutes. No one else checking up on her. Eventually flushing it away and rushing to rid her mouth of the taste. 

  
It seemed everything was wanting to make her uncomfortable. Wincing in the shower and getting changed from contact with her breasts that were only seeming to get more tender with each passing day. 

Struggling to put on her pants and fasten the button. Still bloated and cramping. 

It was simply her period coming. That was all. Her period finally kicking back into schedule. That she’d start bleeding in a day or two. 

Annie arrived late to breakfast, not bothering with getting her own rations and simply finding Eren’s table. Sitting beside him with clumsy motions. 

“Morning.” Armin smiled at her from across the table, the first to acknowledge her presence. Mikasa only giving her a stare and Eren’s hand finding it’s place in her own. 

Annie mumbled something that sounded like a ‘morning’ back, hunched over. 

“Hey, you okay?” Eren asked, knowing when she was and wasn’t fine. Seeing her posture and drifted out mood. 

“Yeah.” She mumbled, studying the wooden grain of the table for distraction; feeling worse then she ever had. Not bothering to explain her absence. 

“You don’t have breakfast.” He pointed out, gesturing to the empty space in front of her. 

“Not hungry.” Annie deadpanned. 

“You have to eat.” Eren stated, pushing his own bowl of food her way. 

Even the smell of hot oatmeal was enough to cause her stomach to turn inside out. Clenching her jaw tight for another time and her fists as something came to the back of her throat. Desperate to swallow it. 

“Hey,” Eren asked, his brow scrunching as a hand reached up to feel her forehead after seeing the way she paled when food was in front of her. The coldness of his flesh a shock against her clammy own. “You look pale.” 

  
The teen tried to speak. Tried to open her mouth enough to let words out. 

Instead she felt the bile at the back of her throat bubble up. Knowing she wasn’t going to be able to swallow it this time. She was going to throw up once again. 

“Sorry—excuse me.” Annie hissed, getting up and running outside without an explanation before she caused a mess. 

She only just made it outside when she retched what little stomach acid remained inside her into a nearby shrub. Shuddering and gagging, shivering as she clung to the building beside her. 

When her cycle was coming, she always became nauseous. But never this bad.

“Annie.” 

Annie winced at the mention of her name. Recognising it as Mikasa having followed her. Wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. Trying to swallow the bitter taste from her mouth—wishing for a drink. 

Mikasa’s hand was on her shoulder—surprisingly tender for her. “Are you ok?” 

“I’m fine.” She hissed, straightening but instantly becoming dizzy. “It’s just this heat.” 

Another painful cramp, wincing. Getting them after every time she threw up. Becoming a pattern. 

  
Mikasa didn’t say anything, hand still on her shoulder, not bothering to point out that the weather was relatively mild. “Do you need anything?” 

Annie shook her head, generally surprised at the other girl’s concern for her. “No.” 

Mikasa studied her for a few moments but didn’t say anything, taking her hand from her shoulder. “You should eat something, it might be because of hunger.” 

The teen wanted to argue that every time she tried to eat it wouldn’t stay down, but she couldn’t will herself to do so. Too fatigued and ill. Simply nodding in agreement.

She returned to the table with Mikasa in silence. Not saying much as she sat next to Eren once again, hoping she got rid of any bile at the sides of her mouth. 

“Sorry, I just felt nauseous and needed some air, that’s all.” She mumbled, looking at her palms again. Still feeling like shit. 

“That’s ok.” Eren replied—offering her a croaked smile, though his eyes were still full of concern for her wellbeing. “Are you sure you’re ok though?” 

Annie nodded, not meeting his gaze. 

Something was pushed her way, fearful that it was more food. Surprised when she found it was a cup of something warm. Still steaming. 

  
“Here, maybe you should drink something instead.” Eren chuckled, looking like he was expecting her to run out again. 

The teen studied it, seeing that it was tea. The brown liquid somehow homely. 

Tea was decent. She could keep tea down.

Annie drank it with contempt. Letting Eren hold her hand beneath the table.

The weather was a little more bearable then in past weeks; cooler and less muggy. It meant in her current state, Annie could decently preform. 

Today she wasn’t paired up with Eren, but instead Mina. Taking her by surprise. For maybe their instructors were getting bored and wanted a switch up. 

  
Green eyes kept finding her gaze from across the field. Constantly nodding and telling him silently, she was okay and that he didn’t need to worry. Even if her body told a different story—that she was going to try and keep her stomach down as best she could. 

She did felt better after the tea. Seeing that as some sort of improvement. 

Annie’s partner was more or less a downgrade though—Mina not nearly as good as Eren. Her movements amateur and childlike. Taking it easy on her almost—not wanting to break her leg the first go. 

But even then, she wasn’t much better then what she had been for the past few weeks. Constantly stumbling over herself. 

Halfway through, Annie knew something was wrong. Knowing she was starting to get another migraine—her temples beginning to throb and her vision blurring and flashing. 

She never took a break in between fighting—always her motto of that the enemy wouldn’t allow you to take a break. But she felt that she couldn’t continue if she didn’t. 

“Wait-can—can we stop for a second?” She mumbled, the throbbing in her temples turning almost unbearable. The girl in front of her barely distinguishable from fuzzy blobs. 

  
Annie doubled over. Needing to lie down. Feeling the sudden heaviness of everything. She was going—

  
“Annie? Annie?!” 

The sound of her name startled her. Finding the sun’s weak glare in her eyes and feeling the hard packed dirt beneath her. Dizzy and her vision still gone slightly. 

A strange noise emitted from her throat that was meant to be a question for why she was on the floor. Mumbled and slurred—like she had a stroke. Maybe she had. 

Mina was above her; almost shouting her name. Hands clinging to her shoulders tight enough she felt they would pop off. 

“What-“ She rasped. “Happened?” 

“You just collapsed. I think you fainted.” 

Annie tried to get up, but was immediately forced onto her back as the entire world slanted sideways; still suffering from a migraine. Verbally groaning.

“Come on,” Mina put her under her arm, grunting slightly as she pulled Annie’s weight up entirely. “I’m taking you to the infirmary.” 

  
“You don’t...need to do that.” Annie mumbled—still doubled over; a faint ringing in her ears. 

Her comrade paid no heed. Asking the instructor if she could take the other teen to the infirmary. Both being let go of their training. 

“Hey!” 

Eren was behind them, running to catch up after seeing what was going on. “Hey, is she ok? What happened?” 

“She fainted.” Mina deadpanned as Annie stayed under her shoulder; weary. 

“Do you want me to take her instead?” 

“No.” Mina stated, giving him a curt nod. “I can take her.” 

“Let me take her.” Eren responded—his voice rising. Already reaching to pry her from the other girl. 

“Eren.” Annie said, still weak, turning her attention to him. “It’s fine. Let Mina take me.” 

His gaze softened, backing up immediately. He still looked annoyed, but didn’t ask any further. “Okay. If you say so.” 

The teen felt bad for leaving him. Actually wishing for him to take her instead. But she didn’t want to deny Mina’s kindness and contempt for her over the past few weeks. From being there for nightmare duties when Eren couldn’t, to dealing with the aftermath of her abortion attempt, simply going along with it. 

“It’s nothing, really.” Annie huffed, still hanging onto Mina as both walked to the infirmary. “I’m just dizzy that’s all.” 

“For goodness sake’s Annie, it’s not. You’ve fainted in the middle of practice. Not to mention the fact that me and everyone else have heard you throwing up every morning these past two weeks. Including today at breakfast.” Mina replied with a edge to her voice. 

Annie couldn’t help but wince at her sharp tone; of disappointment and anger. 

Her comrade practically dragged her into the infirmary despite her childish protests. Barging in with no pre-warning, taking the nurse by surprise. 

  
“Fainting incident.” Is all Mina said as she helped Annie to a chair. 

“Ok, thank you. I’ll handle it from here.” The nurse responded. 

“Hello, Annie. Third times a charm.” She chucked, turning her attention to the teen once Mina had left. Seeming to become a regular acquaintance. Not needing to ask the usual questions for the fact she had asked them before.

Annie didn’t respond. Simply trying to focus on her slowly fading migraine. Head bowed. 

“Are you experiencing what you experienced a month ago?” The nurse asked, equipped with a pen and paper, ready to take notes.

Annie swallowed, feeling like there was a pit in her stomach that was slowly growing. 

  
“No. I’ve...I’ve been feeling kinda sick recently.” 

She left out the fact she had been vomiting as well. Not wanting to add the graphic parts. 

  
“Is that it?”

I’ve lost my appetite for most things.” The teen replied. Shrugging even though beneath her facade she was beginning to get nervous. 

“Anything else?” The nurse asked, still scribbling stuff down. 

“My breasts have been hurting.” 

A raised eyebrow in her direction. “And has your cycle been regular?” 

Annie swallowed hard once more at that particular question, looking at her hands—beginning to burn. “No...I’ve missed two.” 

She got a look. A look of inquiry and knowingness. Almost, a look of pity. 

The nurse handed her a pregnancy test. 

Annie glanced down at it. Feeling her breathing halt again. The pit becoming a vortex of fear and almost denial. 

She should of got rid of it. She shouldn’t of been pregnant anymore. It shouldn’t of been possible for it to survive. 

  
“No.” She mumbled out—almost in shock. “No, I can’t...”

But it hit her for the first time that she could. She could still be pregnant despite her efforts a month earlier. The symptoms that had only gotten worse all the evidence she needed.

She wanted to scream. To cry. 

“There’s a bathroom there.” The nurse said gently, using her head to gesture to a door at the other end of the room.

Annie just stared at the stupid stick, dumbfounded, her nails digging into her palms as she slowly got up, grabbing the pregnancy test and walking over to the door. Slamming the small bathroom shut. 

She didn’t need directions to know how to use the test. Simply sticking the thing between her legs with no curtesy as she urinated onto the end before getting up and casting it aside—waiting for it to do its magic. 

For the remainder of those five minutes, Annie simply sat on the basin, starting blankly at the floor. Wanting to purge everything in her path.

Then the wait was over as a hand reached for the test again and looked at the result. 

There was no doubt about it. It was positive. 

She was still pregnant with his kid. She failed. She failed. 

Fate once again against her. She wanted to laugh. 

Slowly she got up, grabbing the test and walking out—seeing the nurse’s eyes stalking her as she slid the test across the table. 

  
There was silence in the room for a few seconds as the nurse looked at the test seeing her suspicions were proven to be true. 

An exhale. Calculating her next move. 

“Annie.” 

“Yeah.” The teen responded, knowing what she was going to be told next. 

“Annie, you know you won’t be allowed to graduate if you decide to go through with this pregnancy, let alone go into the military police.” 

The teen didn’t say anything, looking at her shoes; trying to memorise the amount of scratches and peeling leather instead. 

“Annie, you also know this could go for the father.” 

She still didn’t listen. Blocking that part out especially. 

“You should know the consequences of unprotected sex. Both of you should of known, both of you were taught that.”

“I’m guessing you’re thinking it was consensual.” Annie blurted out before she had time to double think and stop it.

The nurse’s brows knitted in confusion at what the teen had just said. “Can you elaborate, I don’t understand?”

Annie’s fists clenched at her sides, her breathing becoming shallow—internally cursing herself. A lump stuck in her throat. Now knowing she had dug herself into a hole that she couldn’t get out of unless she told the truth. 

“The sex....wasn’t consensual.” She whispered; forcing herself to say the words. Her teeth gritted. “I...I didn’t want it.”

She felt sick just saying it. Ill to her bones. I’ll just telling the truth of her pregnancy. 

The nurse stayed silent, listening to her words—hearing that the young cadet was most likely raped. 

“Ok.” The nurse said softly, rethinking her approach—having dealt with these types of cases before. “Ok. Why don’t you sit down?” 

Annie did so, seeing no reason to argue. Shaking at the fact the secret was out. 

“Do you know the father, Annie?” The nurse asked, gentle once more for the subject she was treading on.

Annie only looked at the little pink plus sign still, nodding. 

“Is he also a trainee?” 

  
She nodded again. 

“How old is he?”

“Seventeen.” The teen whispered, wanting to vomit. 

“You’re sixteen, is that correct?” Came another question and for a third time Annie’s head went up and down. 

“Were you raped, Annie?”

Annie didn’t say anything to the question. But her silence was enough to understand that the answer was yes. 

  
“Annie, I hope you understand that you can press charges against him.” 

A small scoff left Annie. “There wouldn’t be enough evidence though.”

“You’re pregnant with his child, that would be enough.” The nurse continued, trying to reassure. 

Another scoff left the teen. “Yeah, I am. But yet again, how could they know for sure it was his? It could be any guy’s kid and I could lie about it being rape. It could be that I simply regret the sex.” 

The nurse only looked at her. Seeing that her attempts of consolation were no use. She had been forced into silence out of fear. 

  
“How far along are you, if you know?”

“Two months.” Annie replied, swallowing hard again. 

“Then it means you can still have a termination. I hope you know that Annie, I hope you know we do provide those things.” 

A hand tried to reach for her own, flinching away like it was poison.

“I know that. I was just scared.” She hissed, feeling almost embarrassed to admit it. 

“You having nothing to be scared of.” The nurse cooed, treating her like she was a baby. Wanting to make Annie gag. “We can provide you with stuff.” 

“It won’t work.” Annie muttered quietly. Though the nurse had sharp hearing and heard it. 

  
“Why do you say that?” 

The teen internally cursed herself again for her sudden loose lips. Swallowing and forcing herself to tell the truth. 

“I....I tried getting rid of it myself...” She whispered, feeling shame. For the first time for what she had done. 

“How?” 

  
“A coat hanger.” Annie put it bluntly, not bothering to make it any nicer. 

“Well you’re very lucky.” The nurse replied; her features changed into cold and serious, almost angered. “There’s been girls in the past who haven’t been so lucky.”

They died. Is what Annie knew she was trying to say. That they didn’t have special regeneration powers like you and died from their self-sustained injuries.

The nurse gave her the tin of pills, making her stay for a while longer as she explained the side effects and what would happen to her body. All the while Annie chose not to listen once more. All over in twenty minutes. 

She found Eren waiting outside for her. Nearly jumping up and colliding with her as she exited and slipped the pills in her pocket. 

“Are you ok?” He asked, hand on her arm. 

Annie nodded. “I’m just over exerting myself. Like last time. She said to just take it easy and make sure I’m taking care of myself.” 

No point in telling him the real reason when it wouldn’t matter in a day. 

“Are you sure?” Eren asked once more. Like a anxious puppy dog over their master.

“Eren.” She stated, a smile coming to her lips at his amount of concern for her, amused. “I’m fine.”

That still wasn’t enough for him. Refusing to leave her side for the entire day just to make sure nothing like that happened again. Allowing him to do so. Comforted by his presence. 

———

Later on, in the shower barracks long after curfew, Annie found herself staring at the last resort she had been given. 

The nurse said to take two each day till it was no longer necessary. But all she wanted to do was swallow the whole thing now. Try and get it over with for a second time; hoping that it would work. 

For she felt she might kill herself if it didn’t. 

The pills went down her throat like stones. Gagging and chocking, wanting to throw them back up. Forcing herself to swallow them in one go, keeping them down with water. Shuddering. 

It took them only a few minutes to begin to work. Stumbling her way to a stall as the cramps came full force. Almost paralysing.

Annie could only sit hunched over, for what seemed like an hour, or maybe only a few minutes—cramping but not bleeding like a month ago. Hissing at each muscle spasm. Combated with more sickness. 

It should of worked. She swallowed the entire thing. How could it not? It had to work. 

She needed it to come loose. It couldn’t stay. Annie didn’t know what she would resort to next if it didn’t. 

“Damn it.” Annie hissed, a fist coming into contact with her stomach at full force. 

  
“Come loose!” She hissed. Each punch more powerful then the last. Winding herself, wanting to throw up. 

“Why won’t you come loose? Just come loose!” She wanted to scream. 

The notion repeated, hoping that her physical assaults would be enough damage. Even when her flesh was tender and painful to the touch.

  
Suddenly, it slowed before halting altogether. Fists stopping their assault on her stomach. 

“Please...” Came a broken whisper. Sounding off in the almost still stall. 

  
“Please baby. Please just come loose.”Annie whispered again, her voice cracking. Close to tears. 

_‘Please just make it easier for the both of us.’_

Desperation and exhaustion had brought her to that point. The final straw. 

Why couldn’t the universe understand, she couldn’t be a mother, let alone pregnant. 

For the first time, the young woman thought of something. That It was almost as if it didn’t want to die. That it was fighting for its survival against all of her attempts. 

Almost as if it was trying to say it wanted to live. 

It wanted to be brought into this world despite the hardships and cruelty it would face.

For once, Annie stopped fighting, her fists and arms going lax. Starting to cry, no longer fighting what had been building inside.

It wasn’t going to be aborted. She wasn’t going to be rid of it. She was going to have to accept that. 

She was going to have a baby. All her attempts weren’t going to work. She was going to have his baby, and she’d have to deal with it. 

Fate really was a pain in the ass sometimes. A twisted joke that she wouldn’t be getting the last laugh in. 

That all her plans; to infiltrate the Military police and take down the walls, a baby was now in the equation. A baby who she was going to have to give up the moment of birth. A baby who would be descents of monsters. 

“Sorry.” She whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

This time, she was only sorry for it. Not herself. 

Annie eventually cleaned herself up and went to bed in silence. The aftermath of a breakdown evident. Still cramping. Nothing she couldn’t handle by that point. 

She had dealt with worse pain. 

By that point, she only felt exhausted and numb. Wondering if the world would still cheat on her. If it was this cruel to everyone. 

At least she didn’t have a nightmare. Her memories and brain willing to be kind for once. 

Still, the bed felt unbearably lonely without Eren curled beside her. 

———

  
The next morning, the teen didn’t say much—completely silent compared to her odd words here and there. Still aching and nauseous as the pills left her system; unable to keep anything other than tea down like yesterday. Finding her stomach blossomed with bruises slowly healing, wincing when ever it came to bending or kneeling. 

She didn’t speak much during training. Not even when she was practicing with Eren. Once again becoming recluse.

  
“Hey, Annie, something’s up.” Eren said gently, stopping halfway through training, placing a hand on her shoulder—instincts kicking in like clockwork. “Was it another nightmare?” 

She shook her head. Still silent. 

  
“Did _he_ do something? Did he attack you again?” Eren asked softy with a sharpness; silently demanding if that was the case. His brow knitted. 

“No.” Annie mumbled, speaking for the first time that morning. “No—it’s neither of those things.” 

She looked at him. Contemplating what to say next. Hands finding her stomach, seeing no point in hiding the truth for any longer. Knowing that he was going to find out in a few months. That by now it was better to get it out in the open. 

Not now, later. In a place more private than here. 

“Can...we talk later? After curfew. I need to tell you something important.” Annie mumbled, looking up at him. 

“Sure. Where do you want to meet?” 

“The woods. If that’s ok.” 

Eren smiled. “Okay. Are you sure you’re alright though?” 

  
Annie gave him a half smile that didn’t meet the look in her eyes. 

  
“I’m fine.” 

How true was that statement though? When had she ever been truly fine?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it was bearable. I’ll probably come back later and fix it, most likely. Also, I know that in the Attack on Titan universe they probably don’t have our methods of finding out for pregnancy, such as a pregnancy test. But let’s just say they do for easy sake. 
> 
> Another also, but this is a little pre-warning for the next chapter. The next chapter is possibly the darkest one out of this work and possibly the most triggering. I’ll add warnings in the chapter, but I felt the need to add a pre-warning. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
